A Review of Me

Have you ever wondered what other people think of you? Cause I have. A lot.

Now, this unhealthy obsession mostly dealt with impressions. I’ve always been overly curious about how people see me from the outside because I haven’t always had a grasp on who I am exactly.

More recently I got a holiday/thank you card in the mail from some friends, who were kind enough to write some heartfelt messages. One such message held a line that read, “You’re such a pleasure to be around.”

To which, I immediately thought, “Yes! Great review!”

Rather than stroking narcissistic tendencies, I had an epiphany. I wonder since when I had last gotten reviewed. And I mean really reviewed.

For example, a friend once told me that I chose to not take a more direct course of action—with a situation I can no longer remember—because I was a coward. And although it sounds harsh when you put it like that, it stuck with me. Mostly because she wasn’t wrong.

I was deliberately choosing the path of least resistance which ultimately ended up being a more cowardly approach. I don’t think I changed my method at that moment, but I did resolve myself to become more direct after that.

It really bothered me that someone so close to me could recognize a quality that internally I knew I was choosing but was trying to get away with. So even though it was harsh, I’m so thankful for that review.

I like these truly honest moments of review. I use it to ground myself; bring it back down to earth.

So, back to the point.

Over the course of the past year, I’ve tried my very best to devote extra time and energy to bettering myself ergo working on traits I consider to be particularly troublesome. And this holiday card made me think, I need another review.

I need brutal honesty because maybe there are some traits that I’m not even aware of.

A week ago, I made a video asking people to fill out an anonymous Google Form I created, posted it to my social media, and started watching the reviews not roll in. I think people may have been scared to hurt my feelings or maybe just didn’t understand why I was asking for a review (I did ramble a lot). Though that makes me want them to review me all the more.

Either way, seven people chose to fill out my form, and here’s how it went:

This entire form was based on people’s impressions of me; I wasn’t worried about how much they actually knew but how I appeared in their eyes.

I started off small.

For my first question, I asked people to use three words to describe me. The word bank on the word search above is what people came up with. My personal favorite is the person who said that I was antisocial which I can totally see at any point where I’m not caffeinated or well-rested or annoyed or…it just makes sense.

Now I feel that I can come off as rigid as a 2x4 but I really wanted to know what other people had to say about that.

So, here comes question two. Do people consider me more uptight/rigid, relaxed/mellow, or energetic/bubbly?

I was pleasantly surprised that no one selected uptight/rigid. Even though internally, I always feel like a tightly wrapped ball of yarn people are obviously getting something else.

And to someone’s credit, whoever wrote “All of the above with anxiety” nailed it. So far so good.

Question three: Do you consider me more of an extrovert or an introvert?

I’d technically classify myself as an Ambivert which just means a little bit of both. And now that I think about it, I probably should’ve made that an option. Hindsight is always 20/20.

Though this review wasn’t a test of how well you know me, I was impressed with the number of votes that aligned with my own outlook.

Question number four was an interesting addition, even for my taste. I more recently wrote a blog post about my spiritual journey titled the “Fragility of Faith” wherein I chronicled my struggle with it all. And although I may not be great at expressing my faith, I am a spiritual person.

I know this next statement sounds strange but I was shocked that so many people were under the impression that I am a spiritual person. And yes, I know only seven people filled this out but that’s still seven more reviews than I had before.

Reviews were still mixed though, as you can clearly see. So, I’ve got some work to do in terms of being more open about that side of myself.

Next up, we have our long answer questions which, for the most part, I will let speak for themselves.

All I have to say about these responses are that “driven” or “go-getter” seems to be the most common theme throughout. Now don’t get me wrong, I like that but my ego wanted to hear funny in some way, shape, or form.

Looks like I gotta work on visibly silly without being obnoxious, of course.

So not everyone included the quality I could work on which is what I was most looking forward to. You’ll also notice our main theme of being driven resurfaces here, again.

Two comments I love in particular are that my social skills need some work—which is absolutely true—and that my self-confidence is both a great quality and one I could work on—at least, that’s how I interpreted it.

Now, if you’ll direct your attention to the last comment you’ll see that I finally got what I wanted, a super honest review. Being that this is in reference to me a few years ago, I think I’ve made some more progress since then but I had no idea that I came across as tone-deaf.

And now that I know, I will be making a conscious effort to improve upon this.

These last few were fun to read! So, I’ll let you soak it in as is.

p.s. to commenter number three, I feel the urgent need to say I’m sorry…? I generally have a hard time letting go of people but I guess maybe not on the outside.

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We’ve reached the end here, so I’ll start my incessant chatter again.

Though this project didn’t turn out quite like I imagined, mostly the lack of reviews, I’m so thankful I did it. To paraphrase a book I just read, Capital Gaines: Smart Thing I Learned Doing Stupid Stuff, “We’re constantly changing…and if you’re not growing, you’re dying.”

I know there’s always room for improvement and I’m always aiming to be the best version of myself.

To everyone who took the time to fill out that form, you get a massive thank you from me. I know that every time I put up something new or ask people to do something it’s not the most fun but it’s appreciated.

And I don’t think I have anything else to say really. Surprising, I know.

So, I’ll close out with this one last comment I got:

“I think this is a great idea. But with all the comments you get, remember that your opinion of yourself is the most important and everyone will always interpret an impression differently, maybe not knowing what was going on in your life at the time—or something clouding their viewpoint at the time too.”

Thank you.