A Dry 21st

February 27, 2021. An auspicious day indeed. Said in a less pretentious way, my 21st birthday.

Turning 21 marks an important right of passage in the lives of many American adolescents where they a finally granted to right to legally drink alcohol. Or at least, that’s the most salient aspect of this particular birthday.

Now it’s my turn, sort of. As expected (I’d hope it’s expected), here’s my hot take on a largely celebrated right of passage.

In the past, I wrote a blog post on my reasons for staying celibate and abstaining from hookup culture (Dating, Celibacy, and the American Hookup). In which, I made mention of recognizing those who are making a conscious decision to opt-out of a cultural experience (i.e. sex, drinking, etc.) generally have a reason that more than justifies their choice to do so (though justification shouldn’t be needed).

Even though I’ve already established I don’t need to justify my reasons, I’ve decided to do so anyway because why else do I have a blog than to provide opinions no one was asking for?

This naturally leads into my reasons as to why I don’t currently, and don’t plan to ever start, drinking alcohol.

I’m choosing to abstain from alcohol for several reasons. My mother likes to say for “the mind, body, and spirit,” and although true, here’s the first reason I made that choice.

Genetics.

Alcoholism runs in my family stronger than hard liquor or a hit to the face by a 2x4. That fact was a large part of my upbringing. My mother made it a point to hammer into me how dangerous alcohol could be, for me specifically.

My grandfather likes to say, “An alcoholic doesn’t know they’re an alcoholic until their first sip.” So, to put it simply, I don’t wanna know.

Not only do I have a genetic predisposition but I also have an addictive personality, to add insult to injury. Knowing myself well enough, I know that I’ll have to have gone to a certain point down a bad path to make the realization that I’m an alcoholic. That means a lot of wasted time, a lot of heartaches, and a lot of unnecessary trouble.

Or, I could just not.

This is my smarter not harder approach. I just don’t see the point in tossing the coin in the first place, cause that’s what it is—a coin toss.

I could be secure in the fact that right now I know for sure I’m not an alcoholic or I could toss a coin and then have to confront the possibility that I am. The cons don’t outweigh the pros for me.

So, that covers the first part of my reason. The second falls into the category of the mind.

If you didn’t know, I’m a huge control freak. Meaning, I hate not being in control and I would especially hate not being in control of my own body, for several reasons (I have reasons on top of reasons on top of reasons).

Firstly, I already struggle with depression and my internal chemistry. So adding a depressant that is also notorious for throwing you off-kilter…No thank you, ma’am. I’d rather not.

And heading on back to my control-freak point. Did you know that:

An estimated 696,000 students each year are physically assaulted by other students who have been drinking, and another 97,000 students have reported sexual assault or date rape during instances where alcohol was involved. [National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. College Drinking. Updated February 2020.]

Though I know I’m no longer technically a student, this reality isn’t exclusive to students. Growing up in a household of single women, “How Not to Get Raped 101” was a course I was involuntarily signed up for and that never ended.

To be clear, this is not an actual course but instead a bunch of impromptu sit-downs with my mother going over some new study, article, or Youtube video she’d seen discussing safety measures to ya know…not get raped. I’ve learned everything from how to avoid getting abducted to breaking out of zip-tie cuffs.

This wasn’t to instill fear but instead to make a very spacey and not street-smart kid aware of the dangers of the world. For which, I am forever grateful.

Though the closest I ever got to a sticky situation was walking through campus past 9pm on Halloween night, very narrowly missing a face-to-face confrontation with students wearing purge masks, I’m still grateful. I’m exaggerating just a tad but purge masks were present so…ya know. I was justifiably creeped out.

Here’s my last reason. I don’t need it.

One of these bad boys with the squeezy handles.

As one, of my many, bosses once astutely put, “You’re like a drunk toddler.” I’m pretty sure this is after she caught me trying to see if I could “turn the sink on” by head-butting the hose handle.

*I would just like to interject here that after telling my younger sister this hose handle story she wildly misunderstood me, thinking you could do this to any faucet to turn it on. Wherein she proceeded to yell, “Let me try!” Jumped on the bathroom vanity and hit her forehead on the very non-squeezy handles. She exited the bathroom rubbing her hand on her forehead with a small confused smile as I laughed. Now, back to the program.

This was one of many stupid things they caught me trying to do. I also, very proudly, made a butt out of bubbles once and then proceeded to sing the “Bubble Butt” song while jiggling it. Not to mention the innumerable amount of times I was caught covering my hands in edible glitter. What can I say, I like shiny things.

Yes, they paid me. And yes, they only kept me around for entertainment.

Point is, I do and say stupid stuff for free. No alcohol needed. Plus, I only have room in the budget for one drink-related addiction and coffee has already taken that slot.

Take that liquor industry! All of my hard-earned cash will be going to the numerous coffee shops around the world beckoning me in with drinks too modified and pompous to lay down into words.

So this is why I’m here, to justify my abstention from yet another cultural experience.

My reasons are numbered for sharing but they mostly center around being open about who I am, and the choices that come with being said person; giving a perspective that you may not have been confronted with; and, in some ways, trying to normalize the idea that drinking isn’t a mandatory requirement for social interaction—or at least, unnecessary in my case.

Like any other opinion I throw out into the world-wide-web, this is in no way a judgment on the way you live your life, just an explanation of mine.

Also, this is not an invitation to gate-keep in social situations. The not so subtle friend that tries to be helpful but instead shouts to the group, “SHE DOESN’T DRINK!” That’s all fine and dandy and, though I appreciate the effort, I’m more than capable of declining or answering, “Water, please.” To the ever-present question of, “Do you want something to drink?”

Not to sound short but what a way to ruin the mood! Most of the time, these well intentioned gate-keepers can lead to unintentionally labeling me the social pariah of the night. Though I usually don’t care, it generally makes other people more uncomfortable which I try to avoid.

To recap, I don’t drink, for more than one reason and this decision will extend into the rest of my life. I’ve thought about it a lot and I’m content to not toss that coin. Only God knows what side of the coin will land face up. So, curiosity won’t be killing this cat but…I better keep my eye on kitchen sinks.

It’s my 21st birthday and the only shots I’ll be taking today are espresso. And I’ll toast to that.

…and possibly to another cup of coffee.