Ready, Set, COVID
“The only thing stopping you from fulfilling your dreams is coronavirus”
I happened across this quote during another mind-numbing day in quarantine. Where, at the start, I spent more time scrolling through Instagram than I did doing my much neglected homework. The time nor activity hold much relevance at this particular moment, but I was struck by these words. I too, felt that COVID-19 was impeding my progress at life. Instead of focusing on that feeling though, I continued scrolling.
My encounter with this quote fell very near to the start of quarantine. At the time, I was still in school and nowhere near being as finished with my Honors thesis as I should’ve been. My motivation had plateaued terribly and all of my remaining energy was directed towards graduating and, of course, Instagram (my primary provider of procrastination).
An odd little graphic I whipped up for my thesis on Snow White.
Since then, I’ve not only completed my thesis but graduated college and moved back to my home state of Southern California. And though you may wag your finger at me and go, “Well Southern California isn’t a state Chloé!” I’m here to inform you of this very important distinction among California residents, SoCal and NorCal are two very different places and should be recognized as such. Thank you for coming to my TedxTalk, now back to the main plot line.
Being graduated, I thought my will to keep moving on to “bigger and better things” would return but here I am. I’ve stalled yet again, returning to the mindless scrolling of Instagram.
Before I even entered university, I’d planned on doing my year of service which is essentially the Baha’i version of a mission trip. I had big dreams of going to Chile, back to the place where my mother was born; to reconnect with part of a culture I grew up with second hand. Of course, I romanticized this vision—it wouldn’t be as easy as my mind led me to believe—but the vision was there nonetheless.
After my year of service, I’d come back home to start my Master’s degree; invigorated with renewed spirit. Then move to my Ph.D. or Psy.D. And then, and then, and then… There are so many “and then’s” I can include until I am forced to confront my reality. The reality that the world has changed and, therefore, so should my dream.
I’m still fighting to find my motivation to move again. That is a battle yet to be won but I’ve started by taking small actionable steps.
During quarantine, I’ve started to make time for the things that are important to me. For the things that make me a happy and joyful being. Aside from writing, I’ve begun to reconnect with my faith and I’m attempting to live a healthier lifestyle. Though it’s been difficult because it’s easier to spend most days in bed, but my Aunt Adina has been there to continue pushing me forward through accompaniment and holding me accountable.
I recently watched a TedxTalk on “How to gain control of your free time” where speaker, Laura Vanderkam, reshaped my view of time. As a busy person, I’ve gotten used the phrase, “I don’t have time.” It’s become an annoying and overused phrase in my life. So, here’s a shift in phrasing, instead of “I don’t have time” it’s “I can’t make that a priority right now.” That’s the difference.
It’s not that we don’t have enough time, it’s that what we prioritize is what we actually make time for. Whether that be work or school or even friends. Even if you’re ridiculously busy, “we can’t make more time, but it is elastic, it will stretch to accommodate.”
And at the end of the day, “There is time. Even if we are busy, we have time for what matters.”
What’s brought me the most comfort during these times, aside from my recent understanding of time, is two simple ideas:
As things get worse things are simultaneously getting better.
We have absolutely no control whatsoever in any aspect of our life.
Since the start of the pandemic, I’ve felt fear rising within me but it’s not all my own. This fear permeates the air when you go into grocery stores or when you scroll through Facebook. Fearing the worst has become the new American past time. With the collective building anxiety of the impending election, and taking the events from the past few months into account, the fear makes sense but we shouldn’t live our lives in fear.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying don’t take necessary precautions (Wear a mask!) nor am I advocating to ignore what’s happening in the outside world; just the opposite in fact. The upcoming election is the opportunity to vote for actionable change which is the responsibility for every eligible voter. So, we should take action but we should take it for justice and not out of fear.
Because even though it may not seem like it yet, things will get better and our lack of control is not an excuse to be complacent but it does give me comfort. I’ll wrap up my disjointed rant about the new normal here.
So, even though life gave us some sour lemons, I’m still here making lemonade with an extra cup of sugar. Not necessarily from my neighbor, cause…COVID, but you get what I mean.
Being indoors I find myself, thirsting for the moment I get the chance to listlessly walk my way down the Champs-Élysées. I don’t even know what the Champs-Élysées is but the name makes it way into rom-coms so it feels appropriate. Maybe I’ll make this a part of my new dream, but for now we’re just taking it one step at a time. Making lemonade with sour lemons.